Guest Post: Where Did “True Love” Go?

It's a pleasure to once again have my friend, Connor, write for The Remnant. Not only is he a great writer and fantastic world-builder, but he's also a wonderful, godly teen who is going to do great things. This well-researched article talks about the disappearance of "true love" in our society and what the solution to getting it back is. Welcome back to The Remnant for another guest post, Connor!

"To love is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken." This quote by author and theologian C.S. Lewis is inspiring, but it also holds a necessary warning. However, as we get further and further from the era of Lewis’s writings, people are heeding it less. 

In a culture where love is considered the pinnacle of success, the end goal of life, the thing that we all must strive for, people are feeling like love is steadily moving out of reach. I have seen videos and had conversations with multiple people discussing how love - “true love” - is quickly becoming an ideal that is impossible to reach. Why is this so, and is it true?

If we are to talk about love, we must first talk about what "true love" really is. To get an unbiased, textbook answer, I figured I’d ask AI. I asked three different chatbots a simple question: “What is true love?” They were all remarkably similar, but I think the thesis of the three is best described by ChatGPT. “True love isn't just a feeling—it's a way of relating to someone. At the surface, it can feel like deep attraction, warmth, and connection. But those emotions come and go. What makes love true is what remains when the excitement dips or things get hard.”

If this is “true love,” then why is it quickly fading? Are people simply struggling to connect to others more than before? Or is the Boomer generation right, and our attention spans aren’t long enough? Let’s start with the latter and then move on to the former. According to an article written by Alan Hollander(1), who is the managing director of Bridgecare, the average attention span of a human is around 8.25 seconds. That is less than a goldfish. What is the cause of this? Tessa Nussenbaum, a reporter for The Standard, wrote in her article on the matter that social media might be the cause behind it (2).

Okay, so the Boomers might be right, but what about the other question? Are people struggling to connect with others more? That problem can also be placed at the feet of social media. Kaiser Permanente, a U.S. health insurance company, talks about how only connection through social media can be bad for people’s social skills (3). So it looks like social media might be the cause behind the death of “true love.” Unless our definition was wrong.

In search of that answer, I turned to the ultimate source of truth - the Word of God. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 says this about love: “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. (4)” 

This is quite a different definition. 

If this is a correct definition, and since it came from God’s holy word, it is, there must be a different reason behind its disappearance in our society today. Paul tells us where love comes from in his letter to the Galatians. “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness.”(5) 

How do we receive this Spirit? We get this answer from Jesus himself in John chapter 15 (6): “But when the Helper comes, whom I will send to you from the Father, the Spirit of truth, who proceeds from the Father, he will bear witness about me.” Jesus is going to send us a helper, who is the Holy Spirit, from the Father. We see more of how and why in John 14, where Jesus tells His disciples to follow his commands if they love Him, then he will send the Helper.

Finally, after all of this roundabout, we come to the root of the matter. To have “true love,” you must have the Holy Spirit living inside you. To have the Spirit living inside you, you must follow Jesus’ commands; but why would you follow his commands if you did not first have a relationship with Him? So are people less likely to have a relationship with Jesus? And is that the reason behind the apparent drop in “true love”? According to a study by the Pew Research Center, it might be so.

In 2007, roughly 78% of Americans identified as Christians. As of 2023, that percentage was up to 63%, which was up 1% from the year before (7).

With such a drastic shift in the American demographic, it is no surprise that people are starting to feel as if “true love” is disappearing. 

If you find yourself in search of this quickly shrinking phenomenon, there is only one way that I can recommend for you to go about it. Before you can truly experience “true love”, you must first create a relationship with Jesus Christ, who is the author and perfector of true love (1 John 4:8). Apart from him we will never be able to experience what is called “True Love.”

Sources:

(1) Hollander, Alan, “Average Human Attention Span By Age: 60 Statistics”, www.bridgecareaba.com, 14 Sept. 2023

(2) Nussenbaum, Tessa, “Social media causes attention spans to drop”, standard.asl.org, 14 Dec. 2023

(3) Permanente, Kaiser, “Does social media make you feel lonely? Here's why and how to avoid it”, healthy.kaiserpermanente.org, 29 Jan. 2025

(4) 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, The Holy Bible, English Standard Version, YouVersion, 2016

(5) Galatians 5:22, The Holy Bible, English Standard Version, YouVersion, 2016

(6) John 15:26, The Holy Bible, English Standard Version, YouVersion, 2016

(7) Smith, Gregory et al, “Decline of Christianity in the U.S. Has Slowed, May Have Leveled Off”, www.pewresearch.org, 26 Feb. 2025

About the Author

Connor is a hard-working follower of Christ, struggling to follow God’s will. He hasn’t done anything of particular renown as of starting writing for the Remnant, but he might in the future. Or not.

A Note From Olivia

Hey, Remnant! I hope you enjoyed Connor's article this week. I'll be back next month with a new summer series I can't wait to post, but in the meantime, don't forget to hit subscribe to the blog! The monthly newsletter will be sent out to subscribers on the last day of the month, and you won't want to miss this jam-packed newsletter with tons of fun and encouraging content. Speaking of content, don't forget to follow The Remnant on Instagram for bonus content! Keep on living uncompromised for God, and I'll see you around soon!